


There is stardust in his hair

by LaMalefix



Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Edom Angst (Shadowhunter Chronicles), M/M, Major Character Injury, Sad Alec Lightwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-15 00:49:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15401283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaMalefix/pseuds/LaMalefix
Summary: And thank the Angel that this is his afterlife.His personal afterlife.Because he seems to see him, there.Magnus.He has a warm smile.He is waiting for him.He invites him to enter.And that illusion is all right for him.It’s fine to die here.Now that Magnus finally opened the door for him.And there are a lot of things that he would like to say.And now he crosses the threshold he seems to see him, there in front of him.And it’s like getting young again. It’s like going back to the first meeting, like going back to one of those many nights when they’ve been talking together, and doing nothing more. Because even simply talking to him was more than satisfying.But now he has lost all his words.He wanted to tell him so many things, but he lost his words.And perhaps, before acting, he weighs on one foot and then on the other his mental health.But he likes this version of his afterlife.His personal afterlife.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -What if Magnus had never returned from Edom?Indeed, a very sad Alec has had to face 17 years of loneliness.And he now risks to die.Who will save him?





	1. Paradise Lost

**Author's Note:**

> Before estranging entirely myself from the internet life for next August, ending my vacation in an adorable yet forgotten by the technology place in the hinterland of the south of Italy (thing that however it won't prevent me from posting and reading something every now and then) I wanted to post something, this small thing.  
> It's a brief three-chapters story.  
> My idea originates from the books, but it can be read, I hope, having seen the series. If Magnus hadn't returned from Edom, if the relationship between him and Alec had been damaged however from previous events, beh, let's say - in my head - the situation could degenerate in this way.  
> Further information will be found in the following two chapters.  
> And I think there will be a minimum of smut (if I could ever write it ahah).  
> Cross your fingers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A photo.

It’s the only thing that he always carries with him, along with his stele.

It’s a slightly battered, faded polaroid. He puts it carefully every evening on the bedside table or under the pillow, after looking at it for a while and, during the day, it’s in the left pocket of his shirt, at the height of his heart. Always there, with him.

It has travelled all over the world, that photograph, along with him and his stele. Before he started to have stardust in his hair.

 

Seventeen years have passed since that photograph. Seventeen years since the last time they were together. Seventeen years since the last meeting, in that place so dark and far away and now inaccessible.

 

And maybe that’s why the photo is so faded and battered. Because he looks at it every morning when he wakes up, and every night before going to sleep. And when the day is too long and hard and heavy on his shoulders, then he looks at it.

They are in bed, in that picture taken from above, and they look at each other as if only the two of them existed in the whole world.

And they were so young that day.

They were so happy. So beautifully in love.

He was so handsome.

 

And if he didn’t have it, that photograph, his memories wouldn’t bring him justice.

Sometimes, often to tell the truth, he dreams him.

They never speak in his dreams. They never speak. Usually he sees his lips move but his voice never reaches his ears. They stay there and sometimes the dream evolves and becomes that nightmare, that last meeting they had in the apartment before they left, or, even worse, they arrive in that dark place where they’ve met that one last time.

 

And now he no longer remembers his soft and kind voice. He no longer remembers how he laughed, how he sighed. He no longer remembers his smile.

If he didn’t have that photograph, maybe he wouldn’t remember him at all.

 

And maybe that was what he wanted, he wanted him to forget about one day, to move on.

 

Well, _no_.

He never managed to move on.

He lost count of the days, he lost count of the minutes, at the beginning he counted them. But then it had become unbearable, it had become impossible. He couldn’t count anymore.

 

And it’s enough to have a look at it, at that photo that he always carries with him, just looking at that faded smile and that look of complete love and adoration, this is enough for him to feel comfortable and go on a little more. Just a little more.

 

 

 

And now he doesn’t find it, his photograph.

 

 

 

And it’s not like he wanted to live that long. He didn’t have this great desire to live.

 

 

 

And the gash that runs through his chest isn’t so reassuring.

 

 

 

Seventeen years around the world and dying in his city.

 

 

 

 _Pathetic_.

 

 

 

Seventeen years of solo missions, and die like that, like an idiot.

 

 

 

 _Great_.

 

 

 

There was a moment, just before the sword crossed the skull of that horribly big demon, there was a moment when he feared to become stew or, _worse_ , hamburger meat.

What a terrible end.

But at least he prevented Jace’s son from bleeding to death in a disused playground on the southern outskirts of Greenpoint.

Something that he’s doing instead.

 _Yeah_.

 

 

 

If he can still claim the right to call Jace his brother, then he can call his son his nephew. And let’s say he is rightfully Jace and Clary’s son: he doesn’t think before acting, he’s a hot head, and no, he’s not yet ready to live and fight in the Shadow World. Wildcat like his father, and unprepared like his mother the early days.

A deadly combination.

Really deadly.

In the sense that to save that kid’s skin, he’s dying.

No harm done.

At least he saved the boy.

 

 

 

He had to avoid coming to New York, he knew it better.

In fact, he procrastinated for a long time. Very long.

But then his sister had begged him, implored even. And he couldn’t disappoint her, not again.

 

Since he left the Institute, he returns only for Isabelle and his mother, or only in cases of emergency or extreme necessity. Between him and Jace there are almost no relationships anymore. And, being honest, it’s a kind of mystery how the rune is still in place, how the bond isn’t broken yet.

 

Not that the situation, the current situation of his existence in general, is a fault somehow attributable to Jace, of course.

Quite the contrary.

It’s his fault, only his and his inability to get over it. To let bygones be bygones.

It’s his fault that that loneliness digs in and takes his breath away every time.

The weight of his wrong choices of seventeen years ago, which weigh on him every single day.

That’s why he’s been alone for years, he settled the pending affairs of the Clave as some kind of mercenary. Working alone for seventeen years.

And the recruits and the students of the Academy, where he occasionally holds lessons, look at him with respect.

And he refused for years better positions, respectable and important positions, positions that were more suited to someone like him. Someone like he was seventeen years ago. Someone who, maybe, doesn’t exist anymore.

Because he doesn’t want to sit still, he doesn’t want to stay in a permanent place.

He can’t sit still.

Because the loneliness that weighs on him becomes even heavier when he stays in a single place.

In a place that isn’t the apartment.

In a place that isn’t with him.

 

 

 

He’s ready, anyway.

He is ready to die and not because Shadowhunters must be for their cause.

He is ready to die because he has nothing left now.

He has nothing anymore since seventeen years.

And he doesn’t want anything anymore.

 

 

 

And maybe yes, he didn’t have to come back to New York, but that’s okay.

At least it’s okay to die here.

 

 

 

Indeed, _no_.

He wants something.

One thing in particular.

He wants his photograph.

If he has to die there, in New York, in that tiny disused playground in Greenpoint, well, at least he wants to see that picture again.

He wants to see the blurred contours of a love like no others.

He wants to caress the faded profile of happiness he has known only for a very short time.

He wants to see Magnus again.

This one last time.

 

 

 

They’re in bed, on that squared photo paper all faded and battered.

They’re in bed, and it’s one of those sleepy mornings where he didn’t want to get out of there and go to the Institute.

Their faces are close, and their eyes seem to chase each other.

Unconditional love in those very light smiles.

Looking at it and then closing his eyes, he remembers that they had laughed, that they had stretched out slowly under the silky sheets, and then he tugged him close.

He doesn’t remember, however, what they were talking about, he doesn’t remember his voice, that morning, and maybe even a little in general, but that time it was certainly husky and velvety, a bit kneaded by sleep.

He doesn’t know how it was possible to take that picture, he probably snapped his fingers and his magic did the rest.

He doesn’t know how it end up between his things, maybe Magnus slipped the photo in his jacket pocket before he went out to go to the Institute that same morning.

But that battered polaroid is the only thing left of him.

Of a life together, that hasn’t been long.

Of a happy ending that they didn’t have.

Of them. Simply.

 

 

 

And now he’s dying.

And this thing somehow reassures him a little.

Because he just can’t go on, with that enormous sense of guilt he carries around.

He can’t go on without him.

And even if the others arrived in time, even if Jace or Isabelle arrived in time, he would still need a Warlock to purge all the demon venom in his body.

And no, he has no time left.

He has no more time and he only wants his photograph.

 

 

 

He couldn’t take him away from Edom.

He couldn’t tell him how much he loved him.

How wrong he was.

How much he still wanted to be with him.

How much he wanted to grow old by his side. To have the stardust in his hair being softly stroked by his fingers. To hear his puns for the rest of his life.

 

 

 

And maybe it’s right to die without him knowing.

This is as it should be.

At least _he_ won’t have to suffer.

At least _he_ won’t have to endure him in his old age.

At least _he_ won’t have to see him go away.

At least _he_ won’t miss him.

 

 

 

The runes that he’s burnt on his skin have stopped working, the demon venom will soon take possession of every cell of his body. 

No harm done.

The runes don’t work so well on him anymore. And many things have changed as well. Even his hair is somehow different. His hair is becoming grey, seems to be covered with salt and pepper. He seems to have stardust between the black strand of hair. But...

Yeah, _nevermind._

He is ready to die since years.

The only thing that doesn’t please him is that his bond with Jace has not yet broken and dying will take away with him a piece of his parabatai.

 

 

 

The poison burns in his veins, burns under his skin.

And slowly his head starts to pulse furiously, the pain echoes in his skull and begins to darken his conscience, begins to confuse everything and his eyes get lost.

 

 

 

At least he dies in Brooklyn.

At least he dies where _he_ has lived for a long time.

 

 

 

He closes his eyes and wait for the moment.

 

 

 

But then the bond burns, the parabatai rune warns him that Jace is close.

Maybe he still has a chance.

And maybe he doesn’t want it, this chance.

 

 

 

The frantic steps of his parabatai and someone else are noisy in his head like a jackhammer.

The smell of burnt skin precedes the annoying tingle of the activation of a pair of healing runes.

There’s an indistinct murmur, suffocated.

And someone complains.

Although there, the only one who should complain is him.

Now he seems to have some sort of elephant on his chest. He can’t get air. He can’t breathe.

He forces himself to open his eyes only to see someone illuminated by witchlight. Izzy and Jace.

«The demon?» his parabatai asks as he pulls up his head and shoulders in his arms as if willing to help his breathing.

«Dead.» he splutters. «Will?».

«At home. Safe and sound. Thank you.» Jace hastens to say. «Alec, I activated some runes but... the demon venom is...».

«It’s everywhere.» he nods, his breathing is shortening. He’s only aware of it now that he’s talking. «I’m sorry for... everything... I’m sorry. You’ll take care of mom and Iz, yes?».

«Alec...» his sister mutters, barely holding back a sob.

«You’re not dying.» Jace grumbles.

«Yes, in fact... we have already sent a fire message to the High Warlock of New York.» Isabelle mumbles entering in his field of vision. «Look at me okay? You’ll be fine, we just have to wait a little».

« _How brave_...» he comments quietly and perhaps only now does he realize how raspy his voice is.

«Brave?» Isabelle repeats as she runs her fingers through his hair, she is trying to rassure him, to keep him alive.

«He... Mags- _Magnus_ used to say... _says_ is a very big mess just... just dealing with Brooklyn...» he sighs and closes his eyes. «This Warlock must... must have a lot of time... and must be really powerful to... to take care of all New York».

«Well, anyway, Magnus took care of a lot of Warlocks, even from all over New York, sometimes... and he was very powerful...» his sister murmurs.

Alec tightens his lips, as to restrain some kind of sick feeling. He doesn’t like it when they talk about Magnus in the past tense. It’s like he’s dead.

And he isn’t dead.

He would know, _right_? If he was dead, he would have realized it.

«He was always on time, or rather he wasn’t so late in helping the wounded... I don’t think I like this High Warlock guy...» Jace grumbles.

«Don’t... don’t use the past tense when you talk about him.» he decides to grumble, slowly closing his eyes. Better change the subject, better think of something else, ignore the weight on his chest, the lungs that don’t inflate and the air that scratches his throat. «How is this... this Warlock?».

«Never seen him so far...» says Jace. «He’s been in business for a few weeks now... We’ve been without a High Warlock for about two years, you know? After Magnus... there have been little exploits, but...».

Isabelle sighs softly. «Nobody was like him.» she adds quickly interrupting Jace.

Something trembles on Alec’s lips. And maybe he would like to smile. Nobody was like him. Nobody _is_ like him. Both for New York and for his heart.

However, he chooses to overlook it. «The relations with the Downworlders...» he grumbles in an attempt to scold them, but his voice is so feeble, and he is way too weak to appear stern. «A High Warlock is important... always... and someone so... powerful... to have him as an ally... I want you to take care of it... the relations, you hear me? It’s important».

«We’re not as good as you, you know?» his parabatai sighs smoothly, and perhaps his tone is playful. Isabelle hums in agreement. «You should come back to New York, mh? You could take care of it... the Downworlders relations…».

Alec squints his eyes, his head is driving him crazy, and maybe if they stop talking to him for a minute he might let himself go. He might just need a minute to let go. «I can’t... live here.» he says after a brief silence.

«You need time, I know.» Jace nods and puts his hand on Alec’s chest and presses on the wound, in an awkward attempt to stop the blood, to slow his end. «Don’t worry. I understand it, alright? I understand it... because you miss him so much and I feel it... I feel it...».

Alec smiles softly. And maybe his parabatai can’t understand it. Can’t understand how hard it is, how painful. How much he tried to stay strong, to move on. And maybe it’s better this way.

«I tried. I tried to move on, I... but—» he mutters and shakes his head, swallowing hard. «I’m sorry, _eh_? The bond... it would have been better if it were broken».

Isabelle draws her breath between her teeth. «Alec...».

«I’m sorry, Jace.» he sighs. «If I die _you_ —».

Jace approaches. The tiny wrinkles on his face give him a slightly more serious, a little wiser, look. But he still has that roughneck spirit, as when they met. «I lose the best part of me. But, _hey_ _,_ this is the High Warlock of New York we are talking about! He will save you for sure».

«Obviously!» Isabelle nods.

Alec stays silent for a moment and looks at them. And maybe that’s okay with him, it’s okay not to look at his picture, not to look at the love that he let slip from his fingers so long time ago. It is good to say goodbye to the people he has loved all his life and to whom perhaps he has not given enough importance in these last years.

« _Anyway_ , I’m happy for you.» he murmurs suddenly.

A sob escapes Isabelle and Jace sniffles.

«The new High Warlock of New York will arrive, Alec. I know. Okay?» he murmurs. «If you want I can... I can try to activate _sangliers_ , if you want but...».

«It’s dangerous!» Izzy mutters.

Alec can’t tell them that the runes don’t work so well on him anyway. And it’s been like this for a while.  And maybe Jace can only blame the demon venom running in his veins and nothing else. But  Alec knows better, and being honest, runes are not working on him, and haven’t been working for a while. And perhaps if they had been sufficiently close in the last few years, his parabatai would have noticed it.

«Let’s wait for this High Warlock.» he murmurs, narrowing his eyes. « _It’s okay_ ».

After a brief silence, interspersed with only his hoars breaths, and some thin hiccup by Izzy, Jace clears his voice. «Will said that... you’re the coolest when you fight!» mumbles and it’s clear that he’s trying to ease the tension, that he’s trying to make him smile.

«That’s because he has hardly ever seen us fight together...» he replies, and doesn’t know if the sound comes out too mumbled, almost incomprehensible.

His parabtai giggles. «Do you know you’re his hero, right? When Izzy told him you would come to his Rune Ceremony... he was beside himself with joy!».

Alec just smiles. «He will be a good element, you know? Even if he had only half your skills... he would be a perfect warrior».

«It’s true,» says Izzy, nodding. «You’re right».

«And when will you have a child?» he mutters, looking at his sister.

«You sound like mum,» she snorts. «She’s in full grandmother frenzy ’cause now Will is all grown up... and so now she wants...» she shrugs. «Let’s forget it, eh?»

Alec grins. «You would be a good mother, Iz».

«Oh, I know. But I’m still young, big brother. Give me time and I’ll fill the Institute with whining children.» she mumbles sniffling a little.

Jace throws the air out forcefully. «Shit, Alec… your runes…».

And he points his eyes on his parabatai, in confusion. But before I can ask him anything else, his breathing gets shorter and shorter, all of a sudden. All the runes have stopped working by now.

Pain is strong. Unbearable. It tears his breath and confuses his head.

«The poison is expanding.» Izzy babbles. «Where the hell is this damn High Warlock?!».

«He... in the Labyrinth...» Alec muttered hardly, swallowing something that maybe isn’t even in his throat. «There... you can’t... you can’t—» he mumbles, and the words roll up on his tongue that seems to become more and more heavy.

And it’s strange because he never really thought about his tongue. He never felt it except in certain other contexts, with a pair of wise lips to take possession of his mouth.

«Alec?» Izzy calls him, her voice broken.

«My photo. My… I want... I need... plea—» he manages to blurt out but doesn’t have time to say anything else.

The eyelids become suddenly heavy and the tongue seems to sink more and more. Every single thing seems to be heavy and soft as a pudding come out badly from the oven.

He hears Jace’s voice calling him noisily a couple of times, but then he hears him groan as torn. The rune burns. Alec succeeds in perceiving it, it burns stronger and more painfully than that venom under his skin, in his veins.

He hears his sister sobbing. He hears her calling his name.

And then there is nothing.

For a moment there is nothing left.

 

 

 

There is only darkness.

 

 

 

And then there is something like a light, somewhere in corner of his eyes that blinks over his eyelids.

And it looks like what they call light at the end of the tunnel.

The pain is gone.

Abruptly.

The pain is all gone.

 

 

 

This must be his end.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He seems to be walking.

That is, he feels like he’s dreaming.

And in some of his dreams he walks.

He always walks and always finds himself in the same place.

In front of that door that usually opened before his very eyes even before knocking.

He dreams of walking.

To come back there and knock on the door.

And maybe he is walking today too.

And no, the door won’t open even today.

It never opens up in his dreams.

He came back here so many times, after their bad break, he came back so many times to ask him a little time to be able to explain his reasons, to be able to...

He came back here so many times to ask him to give him another chance.

But that slab of wood has never opened.

And this time he’s back here.

Here in front of his door, with his hand up.

And before the knuckles strike on it, the door opens.

The light is warm and familiar, which has always been waiting for him.

It’s the one that’s probably blazing his eyelids.

It’s the light at the end of the tunnel.

And thank the Angel that this is his afterlife.

His personal afterlife.

 

Because he seems to see him, there.

Magnus.

He has a warm smile.

He is waiting for him.

He invites him to enter.

And that illusion is all right for him.

It’s fine to die here.

Now that Magnus finally opened the door for him.

And there are a lot of things that he would like to say.

And now he crosses the threshold he seems to see him, there in front of him.

And it’s like getting young again. It’s like going back to the first meeting, like going back to one of those many nights when they’ve been talking together, and doing nothing more. Because even simply talking to him was more than satisfying.

But now he has lost all his words.

He wanted to tell him so many things, but he lost his words.

And perhaps, before acting, before reducing the space between them, he weighs on one foot and then on the other his mental health.

It’s been a long time.

And he must not trust his tired eyes, because perhaps he isn’t even there, indeed he certainly isn’t really there, and is only just in his mind, his personal brainchild. Because that’s exactly what he wants to see. And he must not trust his memory because it certainly does not do him justice.

But he likes this version of his afterlife.

His personal afterlife.

Because in some ways it is a happy ending.

They are finally together even if neither of them is really there, in that apartment.

 

 

 

Death had to do more harm.

It had to do even more scary.

But it’s all _so_ quiet.

It’s like being finally at home with him.

In bed with him.

Under those silky sheets.

 

 

 

Finally, his heart found peace.

 _He_ finally found peace.

That very same peace that is in that photograph.

The very same peace they lived in so long ago.

 

 

 

And it’s good this way.

 


	2. Paradise Regained

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suddenly a strange feeling rises from his parabatai rune. Jace is there, he’s close, and there’s something he doesn’t like about this situation, whatever it is.
> 
> And this convinces him to get up.
> 
> His knees beg for mercy when they finally try to support his body in its entirety. And when he moves one step and then another towards the door his back and every other corner of his body begs him to stop.
> 
> When he reaches the door, however, he is satisfied with his little achievement.
> 
> Jace, his voice, echoes behind the wooden slab. But suddenly someone comes up with a retort. And the light that comes under the door trembles. Just as the walls seem to do.
> 
> Alec decides that he must absolutely appease them.
> 
> They can’t antagonize a High Warlock, let’s say it’s not really a good strategy.
> 
> But when he lowers the handle, and finally reaches the others in the other room, he is greeted by the warm light, the cozy furniture, which he has so often dreamed of.
> 
> It’s the apartment.
> 
> It’s Magnus’ apartment.
> 
> But it can’t be true, right? It’s all in his head, isn’t it?
> 
> Magnus didn’t come back from Edom, otherwise he would have contacted him, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!  
> Thank you all for your feedback! I'm writing this notes instead of sleeping but, I was feeling sorry for my very very rushed update! But I needed to do it, because I don't really know when I'll be able to add the next chapter ~~(and, as this continues to come in my mind, I may add one or two more chapters... I just don't know when)~~  
>  So, please enjoy this small chapter.

His personal afterlife lasts just a handful of minutes.

He doesn’t even have time to reach the couch, that everything becomes pitch black.

And Magnus and his soft, warm, welcoming smile disappear from his sight.

 

The warmth of magic varies depending on the user.

Alec already knew it, but having known mainly Magnus’ magic at first, he couldn’t know how true this statement was.

In his years of loneliness, of solitary missions, many times he found himself wounded, many times he found himself with some broken bone, and since the runes work but only partly on him, he often asked some Warlocks for help.

Magnus’ magic has always approached him very gently, although extremely precise, decisive and fast, on him, from the very beginning. He never wasted time, Magnus, especially if his life was at stake. But the magic vibrated for a few moments, especially in the early days, as if he feared to use his full power, as if he feared that the power that he inherited from his father could damage him in some way.

Catarina’s magic is delicate, but very precise, surgical, very fast. It’s no coincidence that her specialty is healing magic.

That magic that surrounds him at the moment, and that is purging the demon venom from his body, is strong, stronger than Magnus’. It’s accurate, quick, and works decisively because it’s fighting against time.

Magnus’ magic is warm, reassuring, wrapping him like a blanket on a winter’s day, like a cup of hot chocolate with cream; yet when it’s not aimed at helping others, it becomes furious like an erupting volcano.

Here, this magic that is purging his body from the venom is furious. It’s the magic of a fighter, someone who can be useful to the causes of the Clave and that it’s better no to have hostile.

Jace absolutely needs to take care of relationships with this High Warlock. And stop snarling, because yes, he hears his parabatai growling and cursing, even if he doesn’t catch his words clear at the moment.

 

The weight that was on his chest until now, is gradually disappearing.

The fire of that muddy poison that has taken possession of his veins and that burned the air in the lungs is still there, but seems to be sucked away by this so furious magic.

It’s only hard to breathe, maybe it’s already too late for him.

The runes, the magic, the poison. Everything is taking energy away from him. Because the magic and the runes take away energy. And the demon venom, well, it’s poison so it certainly can’t be that healthy.

Again, his state of awareness seems increasingly blurred, and he’s losing consciousness again.

Perhaps, if he found the words, he could ask this High Warlock to fix his photograph.

Maybe, he could ask him to open up a portal to Edom, if anything, he would have to get back on his feet.

What a ashitty idea.

He would laugh if he could make his mouth react.

Someone, a voice that he may have already heard somewhere, that he feels he has heard at least once, warns him that he will sleep more deeply.

And for a moment, before everything gets confused, he wonders how he knew he was awake.

But it’s already all dark.

 

 

 

 

 

 

He doesn’t dream.

He hoped to see Magnus again.

He hoped to see the apartment again.

He hoped to revisit his personal afterlife and live there at least a little bit.

Instead it’s only dark around him.

His mind his clouded.

And he is floating. Nothing more.

Maybe it’s too mangy, too battered, to dream.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then there is only silence.

That’s what welcomes him when his head finally comes back on in the living realm and the gears seems to be turning again.

Everything hurts him. Every single millimetre of his body seems to cry against him, shouting at his shitty choices and his usual self-sacrificing way of life.

His stomach curls, the nausea, the nausea of those who have lost too much blood or who jumped in the afterlife and then came back, catches his breath.

His head is bursting.

And the awareness that assault him, only when his mind is clear enough, freezes his blood.

He is alive.

He is _still_ alive.

 _Damn_.

And he could have noticed it sooner, in fact, when a shiver of pain took his breath away. Because, heck, he breathes.

And so yes, he’s alive.

After all.

And when he finally manages to convince the eyelids to open, he finds himself wrapped in the dark.

And maybe he should give in to sleep again, he should close his eyes and try to go back to sleep.

But then, suddenly, he hears them: light fingers running through his scalp.

Someone, a man, is talking to him slowly, softly. And he can’t recognize this voice. He can’t even understand what it’s saying, but it has a reassuring tone. It’s soft in his ears.

When suddenly a moan escapes him, that person who is there near him breathes a sigh of relief. His fingers tremble in his hair for a moment and it feels like a kind of phantom perception.

Perhaps that too is his brainchild, obscured by that sort of leap in the afterlife.

Perhaps he wants to believe that there is someone there, who is watching over him and is talking to him. How Magnus did when he did something stupid _and_...

God, he still thinks about him.

Urgh! Who is he trying to convince? He always thinks of him.

And gradually, abetting those fingers - which perhaps don’t really exist - that run through his hair and the voice so reassuring, he finally yields to sleep, again.

 

 

 

And then the voices, two voices, begin to rant. A male and a female. They may be his siblings.

And that’s what awakens him from his drowsiness. He would have been there, letting those fingers stroke his hair, all the time. But there’s all this noise that drums in his brain.

The fingers that massaged his scalp disappear suddenly and Alec would like to protest. There is movement around him and someone, perhaps, opens a door because some light flickers against his eyelids and then disappears again.

There is a third voice that instead rebukes the two others.

Alec opens one eye and then the other. And even this time, the darkness welcomes him.

Maybe he should have the courage to get out of that bed that certainly is not one of Institute’s, since it’s so damn comfy. And he only realizes it now, only now that his fingers touch the sheets that they soft and high-value. And they seem to him exactly what Magnus preferred. Prefers. Damn it, he has to think and talk about him in present tense.

And then he wants to continue to delude himself, he wants to continue to believe that all this, all these perceptions that always lead him to think about him, is the truth.

Then, maybe, once he manages to get up from that comfortable bed, he finds out that it’s a shitty bed of the Institute’s infirmary and that that soft kind voice and those fingers in his hair, or those soft sheets, are just a phantom perception .

Alec squints his eyes and tries to turn on his side.

Perhaps it’s better for him to go back to sleep, or perhaps he must try to get out of bed and try to understand the reason for all that commotion.

He tries, really, to close his eyes and go back to sleep, he really tries. But curiosity objectively gets the upper hand.

And maybe if he finds out where his stele is, he could activate a pair of strength rune and move those steps that divide him from the door. Or maybe he could activate his hearing rune. So he could investigate while staying in bed.

And he doesn’t really have enough strength in his body to make his muscles work together.

He knocks tightly and sinks his head into the pillow.

He puffs up lazily and covers his eyes with his hand.

People in the other room are still talking. And someone raised his voices.

Suddenly a strange feeling rises from his parabatai rune. Jace is there, he’s close, and there’s something he doesn’t like about this situation, whatever it is.

And this convinces him to get up.

His knees beg for mercy when they finally try to support his body in its entirety. And when he moves one step and then another towards the door his back and every other corner of his body begs him to stop.

When he reaches the door, however, he is satisfied with his little achievement.

Jace, his voice, echoes behind the wooden slab. But suddenly someone comes up with a retort. And the light that comes under the door trembles. Just as the walls seem to do.

Alec decides that he must absolutely appease them.

They can’t antagonize a High Warlock, let’s say it’s not really a good strategy.

But when he lowers the handle, and finally reaches the others in the other room, he is greeted by the warm light, the cozy furniture, which he has so often dreamed of.

It’s the apartment.

It’s Magnus’ apartment.

But it can’t be true, _right_? It’s all in his head, isn’t it?

Magnus didn’t come back from Edom, otherwise he would have contacted him, _right_?

«You don't have an Institute to run, Herondale?» someone murmurs, the voice is the same as before, the one who first snarled strongly against Jace, is the same that was reassuring him before. And it’s so velvety.

It just seems...

Alec takes a step, again. And ignores the pain and the muscles that complain.

«You’ll have to deal with this sooner or later.» replies his parabatai, the voice thunderous.

«Yes, maybe first with Alec and then with us eventually...» a female voice mutters, Izzy. «However, Magnus...».

 _Magnus_.

Alec may have lost all the resoluteness, all the determination he had and that convinced him to take a few steps. He stops, hangs there, staked.

His voice, he did not remember it. Or maybe he doesn’t really want to believe his ears. It’s soft, even now that he seems a little annoyed, his voice is soft as velvet.

And maybe he’s really crazy. He lost too much blood and went crazy. Here it is. He will have to go to the Silent City to get his head treated.

His knees seem to protest under his weight, he is too tired and weak. But he wants to hear all of it, however much he feels he’s meddling.

«What, Isabelle?» he hears him, and he seems a tad angry. «Seventeen years have passed. It’s normal to move on, none is to blame…» he replies. _Magnus_. «I tried to contact you, all of you, but the line... the line didn’t connect... even with Alec, the line didn’t connect...».

«And the fire messages? Couldn’t you send one?» snarls Jace. «Do you really think we have to find out that you’re back like this? Do you think that Alec should find out it like that?».

«It’s been seventeen years,» he hears him murmuring again. «And many things have changed, to say the least...».

«Yes, but not for Alec. For you? Maybe yes.» his parabatai growls again.

Alec pulls his breath between his clenched teeth.

«How dare you?» Magnus hisses. «What are you implying?».

«It’s been seventeen years and you don’t contact him when you come back here? The Magnus I know, and the one who my brother loves, would have divided the oceans to see Alec again, right?» he gnarls.

«Jace...» Isabelle mumbles a slightly peremptory tone.

«No, dear Isabelle, it’s right that I answer to this troublemaker.» he replies, in a slightly monotone voice. «Do you think I didn’t want to see your brother again?».

Alec tightens his jaw. Maybe he doesn’t want to be there. Maybe he wants to go back to the bedroom, and get back to bed and ignore everything, forget about this because maybe, if it wasn’t really a brainchild and this was indeed real, the two of them would have to deal with it without third-parties intruding on the matter.

«We... we broke up, me and Alec. And it was a bad break-up. We’re... we really had a bad fight, back then we’re... needless to tell you, right? You were there too... you two were there... we were not ready... we hurt ourselves. Really bad…» Magnus says, the tone is heavy. It seems hard to talk about these things, as if it still hurt. _He_ hurt him. And he couldn’t repair his mistakes. «And seventeen years have passed, and I was scared, alright? I’m still scared, to tell the truth, and not just because I have too much magical energy to get used to... that could hurt him if I couldn’t control myself...» he mumbles and then snorts. «I don’t want to intrude on his life, I did not want to... because _he_ —».

Alec swallows twice thickly, before entering the living room. His heart is in his throat and he doesn’t like that Magnus feels like that, put on the stand as if those two were grilling him, judge and jury. And it’s not fair, because in the end it’s true that he didn’t contact him as soon as he arrived, but maybe he had his reasons. And it’s true, indeed, it’s so damn true that they had a pretty bad break-up, and for a second he still thinks that it’s all a brainchild and it’s his guilt to speak.

Jace looks really pissed off, judging by how hard his leg is hammering the floor. Isabelle holds a pillow to her chest, as if it comforts her. And Magnus is there, looking through the balcony, a sleeping Greenpoint.

And there is something in Alec that quivers, something that tells him that he has to run to him, as much as possible, and embrace him, tugging him close to his wounded chest. But then there is that insecurity, which blocks him on the spot, which always gets the upper hand on him, because maybe Magnus has other ideas in mind, maybe he doesn’t love hi, anymore. And he certainly can’t blame him. Seventeen years have passed. And he was all that time in Edom, alone in the dark of that Hell realm.

«“Because he” what?» Jace blurts out.

«He could have moved on, right? Why should he wait for me? Why? What can I offer?» snaps Magnus, turning to them, to him. And his face, furious moment ago, is now simply relieved. He just smiles at him, his catlike green-golden eyes sparkling. «Ah. You’re awake.» and he says it like a whisper.

Jace and Izzy seem to notice him only now, now that he is more visible in their field of vision, and let’s say that he is not really small.

Alec finds his words only at that moment, and maybe those are not what his siblings want to hear. «You two, go back to the Institute. Now.» He hisses without even looking at them, he can’t look at them because his eyes are on Magnus. And it seems like a dream.

Yet he seems to have something different, and it is not only for the total absence of makeup on the face, or the fact that he isnt wearing nothing colourful or flamboyant, the only thing that seems left of the old Magnus are just the hair styled in the usual manner. It is something in him, something not visible to make him look different. He seems more sacred, more imposing, as if each of his cells are emitting magical energy, he seems enveloped by a thin and subtle fog composed by magic.

Magnus moves his eyes and smiles, but the smile does not reach his eyes. He is simply friendly, a business smile he has always used with his Mundane clients. Completely different from that other, which he used only with him. «At least you’re alive. Well, we can talk when you get a little better, mh? I’m not going anywhere.» he babbles nodding, and moves a hand to open a portal. «Take him to the Institute with you, will you? Let him rest at least another couple of days that the poison was everywhere _and_...».

«Magnus.» he calls him softly. «I’d say we’ve lost enough time, you and me».

Jace approaches him, quickly. «Come on, let’s go. You have to get back to bed and rest a little more...».

Alec opens his mouth to complain, but Isabelle is way faster than him and intrudes. «Come on, you… Magnus won’t scramble him, mh?» she murmurs, winking at him, covering Jace’s mouth while he’s trying to resist and protest, and dragging him into the portal.

«Close it, Magnus. I won’t go away until we talk.» Alec grumbles and, without too many ceremonies, drags himself to the nearest chair. Sitting is a torment, the back, the chest, the neck, it hurts everything, even his toes. And when he is finally seated, his head turns for a moment and a strange nausea mounts in his throat. He squints his eyes and tries to concentrate. He needs the words, he must not let them escape. Because he has to tell him hundreds, if not thousands, of things.

The Warlock stays there, motionless for a few seconds before moving his hand and letting the magic whirlpool disappear.

That sacral halo, that light magical breeze that seemed to surround him a little while ago, seems to have abandoned him, it’s as if he’s helpless, now, in front of him. He looks at him from time to time, but then he turns his gaze again and points it somewhere in an unspecified corner of the apartment.

Alec moistens his lips, a bit chapped, and maybe he’s thirsty. He’s trying to figure out if he has to get up and go to the kitchen to retrieve a glass of water or if he and the Warlock have at least that kind of relationship, so he might ask him to bring him a glass of water.

«Do you want something to drink?» Magnus asks, and seems to hesitate for a moment. «I think I need a smooth scotch».

«Water.» he mumbles. «Please».

And it had been a while ago, if it was seventeen years ago, he could have made a soft pun about his love for alcohol. About how he preferred something much sweeter, much more sparkly.

Magnus snaps his fingers and on the coffee table appears a carafe of water with two glasses.

Alec curls an eyebrow, as if to ask him the reason for the two glasses of water, and Magnus hastens to answer his silent question. «I should be sober for this talk, I suppose.» he stammered, sitting at a proper distance from him. He crosses his legs and with a smooth movement of his hand, the blue breath of his magic fills the glass and brings it closer to the Shadowhunter. «We should talk about the elephant in the room, mh?».

Alec remains silent, observes him, looks at him as if he wanted to impress everything he had forgotten about him. Which perhaps haven’t really been forgotten. His hair looks incredibly soft and shiny, that body that seems to have been sculpted by some divinity, tall, long and lean, the caramel-colored skin, the slight curve of his eyes, the sharp profile of his jaw and cheekbones. His irises so wonderfully golden. His lips, his lips so incredibly inviting.

«It’s good to see that I have not lost my magic touch. And you’re still alive.» he smiles, and it looks almost one of his jokes. «Also because, you know, I would not have forgiven you if you stained my Bellura egyptian cotton sheets with asmodei’s venom».

Alec opens his mouth, but then just smiles and sinks his mouth on the edge of the glass. «I didn’t die, right?» he asks quietly, and almost curses himself for giving breath to his mouth without thinking.

«Hey, it’s true that lately I don’t control my magic very well, but...» he mumbles, his tone is playful. «I wouldn’t have let you go so easily... and not just because I would have had to suffer your parabatai for years to come...».

Alec smiles. «No… I say, you got out of there, yes? I’m not dreaming, am I?» he babbles before bringing the glass back to his mouth. «I mean... I’m awake, right? And I’m alive. And you’re... you’re here... are you _really_ here?»

Magnus seems confused. With a wrinkled forehead, he points his eyes on him for a moment, as if to investigate his expression, or evaluate his mental health, before concentrating on his glass of water that seems to have all his interest now.

«I’m happy, that he... _he_ let you go. We won, you know?» he sighs and may have chosen the words badly. «Erh… I’m happy to see you... _really_ and... and I’m sorry for everything... _for everything_ , Magnus, okay?».

Magnus remains silent, as if he were to assimilate his words, but then he looks at him with a tremendously severe look. «Why didn’t you want to live, Alec?» he hisses sharply.

He swallows twice and looks at Magnus, who now has his eyes on him. He seems to want to scrutinize him in the depths of his heart. Alec clenches his lips and tries to stretch a smile. «I don’t understand what you’re talking about».

«Jace told me that. He felt it, through your bond. And judging by how your body rejected my magic in that playground, it seems quite clear to me that _you_...» he mutters.

Alec looks up. The apartment has remained the same, perfectly the same, he changed nothing in the furniture. It stayed exactly as it was, and he likes this thing a little. But he still fears that this is a dream.

« _Alec_?» Magnus mutters, calling his attention. «Can you give me a plausible explanation? Look, I open a portal and send you to the Institute without blinking…».

« _I saw you_ ,» he says briefly, shrugging. «I saw you. In my dreams I always see you but... usually we end up quarrelling, we break-up or we end up in Edom or here when you made me leave... and my dreams always turn into nightmares and... sometimes I end up here in front of your door and you don’t open it... as many times it happened in real life...» he shakes his head. «And for the first time you opened the door for me... and you were here and you invited me to come in... and I didn’t want to go away... finally _we could_...».

Magnus sighs and finally seems more at ease, shoulders are more relaxed. « _Alec_...».

«I missed you so much. I seemed to die without you» he adds without hesitation.

«Where _to die_ is the crux, I would say...» he murmurs, and it doesn’t sound like a sharp comment more like a pun, and he smiles like old good times. But then he immediately returns very serious. «You didn’t have to wait for me, Alec».

« _Don’t_. Don’t call me that, please.» he mutters and goes to get up, to reduce that space between them. He needs him. He needs to feel him under his fingers. «I know, seventeen years have passed and I... I’m not really sure you’re here but...».

«Stay there, Alexander.» he says and moves, he approaches.

And at every step, Alec continues to implore him under his breath, in his head. "Closer, closer".

And when Magnus stops, he is by his side and gently strokes his hair. His fingers give off energy, and his magic runs through his skin and sends a shiver down his spine. «I’m here. I’m out of that shitty place and ... I’m here with you».

«Why didn’t...» he begins to say but then he startles. He feels Magnus’ light breath on his face and even this makes him tremble, because now he would just crush his lips against his, kiss him with arrogance and try to forget these seventeen years of solitude at least for a moment.

«I was scared, Alexander. To come back into your life suddenly. I thought... I was hoping...» he sighs shaking his head, his fingers leave his hair and he steps back, merely one foot away.

«Did you think _what_? What did you hope for?» he snaps. What did he think? What did he hope? What? That maybe he could forget him? Move on? Damn it!

«I thought...» he begins to say. «I thought you would look around at one point... love someone else».

Alec tightens his jaw. «Do you really believe that I could ever stop loving you? Do you really think so little about my feelings?!» he stutters. «God, Magnus!».

«I’m not downplaying your feelings I _just_... hoped you weren’t alone. It was enough for me to know...» he tries again, but Alec interrupts him again.

«Because this is what you would have done, right? Forget about me? Move on? Love someone else? What _was_ I for you?».

A disconcerting rage mounts in his heart. He always knew, he always knew it would happen. But at least he hoped he wasn’t alive, that he didn’t have to be there and live in a world where Magnus loved someone else.

Magnus closes his eyes and opens his mouth twice before speaking. «Do you really think I would ever... God Alexander!» he snaps back and collects his head in the palm of his hand.

«I didn’t mean that... I just wanted...» he stammers.

«If we want, because I think you want to do it too, try again this thing, this relationship... we have to work on our communication, right?» Magnus says and lets out a nervous laugh.

«What?» murmurs Alec under his breath, slightly confused.

Magnus sighs and pulls back his head liberatingly or as if to calm down. «Alexander, you are different from all the others. I will never get tired of telling you this. Because you made me feel things I’ve never felt... it’s as if my heart never had breath before I knew you, it had always been held in a bear trap but when you entered my life...» he sighs. «You changed it radically, my life... _me_ …» she sighs. «And I could never forget you. Never, not even in a million years. Not even at the end of the world, I would be able to.» he shakes his head. «Never, I’ll never stop loving you. Never... because once known your heart, mine can’t help but beat for you...».

Alec stands up suddenly and grabs him by the shoulders. The movement is too fast for him, for the state of his body and gravity and his very body force him to return sitting, also unbalancing Magnus from his position but the Warlock manages to remain standing.

«Hey, you okay?» he murmurs.

Alec nods, and swallows twice before moistening his lips with the tip of his tongue. He can hardly breathe again, and he just wants to hug him now, he just wants to tug him close and try to make him forget that wrong step. All the wrong choices. «You are my life, Magnus Bane. Try to always remember it. You’re my life and I give you my life.» he smiles. «I tried, to look around, to find someone else, but no... I’m not... I would never have been able to move on... to overcome you, because you are…».

«Awe-inspiring, I know.» he nods and suddenly puts a kiss on his temple, he seems amused.

And a shiver runs through Alec’s back and he would like more than just that kiss. Because that’s not even a _real_ kiss.

Alec looks up and smiles at him. «Magnus... we broke up, I know... but would you like to try again?» he asks slowly, and the words roll up on his tongue. «I mean, _I mean_... you said before... you said...».

«You’re ranting...» he mumbles and again lets his fingers run to stroke his hair.

And so Alec shuts up. And two thousand thoughts nestle in his head. And perhaps he regrets those words, regrets how they came out, regrets as he told them. And perhaps he fears his answer. Because if anything he said no, then he would die of heartbreak. Really this time.

«Do you still want me, Alexander? » Magnus murmurs, then, as if he couldn’t believe it.

Alec smiles. «And you want me?» he stutters. «Because, you know, Nephilims love only once so fiercely as I love you and...».

A soft laugh escapes his lips and decides to take a seat next to him, sits on the arm of the armchair cross-legged and kisses the tip of his nose. «You haven’t changed much, eh?».

«Well, old habits never change...» he smiles. And this is the very first real smile in so long.

They look at each other and they seem to come back to that morning, that of his photograph. Magnus looks at him smiling, his eyes, the real ones, his father’s inheritance, are fixed on him and very sweet, and caring. And Alec’s heart makes a funny double somersault in the stomach. He loses himself for a moment and then, after swallowing a couple of times, he smiles too, again.

«Relationships need effort, someone extremely wise told me a long time ago.» the Warlock murmurs, humming a bit in contentment.

«I am all for effort.» Alec smiles.

«Very well, because I want you, as long as I can have you,» Magnus adds.

«And I want to give you my whole life.» he mutters.

The Warlock smiles. «Great, because I’m not going to waste more time…».

Alec can‘t take his eyes off his lips. And he would like to tug him closer and do nothing but kiss him with all his might. He’s not going to waste any more time either.

Magnus sighs and caresses his cheek with immense transport. «You know we’re going to have a long talk about hundreds of other things, yes? Like of how heckly Jace and your sister are aged... or why you have a strange glamour on you... which makes you look much more appealing because, yes, it looks like you have stardust in your hair but... I don’t really care right now... but it makes me wonder what did you do, you dyed your hair pink? Do you know that pink doesn’t go so well with the blue shade of your eyes, right?» he rants then smiles. «But…».

« _Magnus_...» he begins to say interrupting him. He wants to tell him everything. Every single thing.

«But I think you and I should first make something clear, eh?» he says.

Alec swallows hard. «What?».

«Hey, it’s nothing bad, I swear.» Magnus replies smirking. «Relationships require efforts and I... I want to do my best for you and with you. I don’t care how much time we have, how much time we have lost... how much longer... I want to stay with you as long as I can, as long as you want me to».

Alec opens his mouth but then decides to close it. He would like to scream at him, cry out loud in his ears until he reaches his heart, and every single cell, that he will always want him, forever.

«We must make up for the time we lost, and we must commit ourselves. We have to give ourselves more time...» he smiles. «We have to win back each other’s heart».

«But you already have my heart...» Alec points out.

Magnus collects his cheek and begins to move his thumb on his skin, to caress it slowly. «Hey, let me have a little fun, I want to court you terribly, I want to force you to those Mundane dates that made your brows curl but then you liked so much. I want to talk about the present and look to the future,» he sighs. «And not to the past».

Alec smiles and imitates his gesture, picks up his cheek with his hand and approaches it just slightly to his face. «We build on the new, but you must allow me to...».

«To?» Urges him.

«Apologize. I made a huge series of bullshits, mistakes, I messed up everything and I didn’t...» he mutters. «I didn’t help you in Edom... _I couldn’t_...»

Magnus caresses his lips with his thumb, interrupting his rant. «Think about the future, about the present. Now I think that in five minutes at most I’ll scoop you up and take you to the bed».

«Already? Didn’t we have to court?» he stammers, raising an eyebrow.

That wonderful man, his wonderful man, laughs. «I correct myself, you have become very shameless!».

Alec grins and would comment, but merely tugs Magnus onto his chest and when he finally reaches him, and hugs him, he finally feels complete. Perfect and at peace. Even if every corner of his body still hurts him, he’s finally fine.

«We should talk about many other things…» the Warlock groans, their faces are very close and it takes all the goodwill that Alec has in his body not to put his hands under Magnus’ clothes and begin to explore his body.

«Yes, but I would say not today...» he smiles.

Magnus moves swiftly, rises snappy from his knees and holds out his hand. «Come on, I’ll take you to bed. Let’s go to sleep».

«I should warn my siblings that you aren’t sending me back to the Institute…» he grumbles, trying to concentrate all his energies on his knees that finally work together, also because now he has a good goal a few steps away from him.

Magnus holds him with one arm around his waist, while he wobbles everywhere «I’ll send them a fire message while you perform certain physiological functions in the bathroom, what do you say?».

«Ah, then you can send them fire messages...» he comments.

«We said we’ll talk about it when you get a little better, am I wrong?»

Alec smiles and puts a kiss on his cheek. «All right, yes».

Magnus sighs and squeezes his arm more tightly. «We have to recover slowly. We do everything in small steps...».

«I can move like a sloth if I want.» he smiles.

«Of course you do not look like an Olympic sprinter right now ...» comes Magnus’ sharp reply.

«Uh, Edom made you evil!» he comments and he really wanted it to be a joke and nothing more.

But Magnus seems to stiffen for a moment. «It’s one of the things we should talk about... I’ve changed a bit, Alexander...».

«Me too, Magnus. And no, I don’t have pink hair, _I_...» he smiles. «We said we’ll talk about it tomorrow, right?».

Magnus steps back, his arm leave Alec’s waist. But soon enough he collects his face in his hands. «You’d be fine for me even bald, Alright? I do not care... I just need what you have in your heart... anyway I want to give you a _real_ kiss without this glamour that covers your face, so let’s find your stele and make all this disappear...» he gestures randomly at his face.

«It’s not a runic glamour... it’s a... a spell» He murmurs. «I asked Catarina to...».

«Okay, that’s something I’ll work on tomorrow, then?» he smiles. «Because really, I really want to get under the covers and hear your adorable snoring all night and maybe for a good half of the morning...».

«But I want a real kiss!» he complains softly. «And then... I never snored, Magnus. Never!».

Magnus grins and reduces the space between their faces, grazes his nose with a Eskimo kiss and then approaches a little more.

Their lips collide. And it’s strange, maybe a little clumsy, a little wet.

But Alec’s heart makes a funny leap, and seems to run wildly then. And if only he had strong big lungs, and a swimmer’s breath, he would remain like that for the rest of his life, with Magnus in his arms, their tongues chasing each other, their eyes looking for each other as the breaths get shorter and the heart keeps drumming in their chests.

Magnus is the one wise enough to remember that in the end they have two lungs, and they have to fill them with some air.

And perhaps, if there is a moment that Alec can define more magical than that kiss is the immediately following one, when they break off and look at each other with re-found complicity, as if seventeen years had been only a mere second. Their eyes are lost in each other and the years don’t count anymore. And Alec finally feels young, like a lifetime ago, like when they met.

The years no longer count.

And, yes, they have to talk, there are still many things to fix between them. They still have many things to sort out and many things to work on but, for now, Alec can be satisfied.

Even if another kiss (or another dozen kisses) and then something else could really make him forget these seventeen years of solitude.

But for now, he can really just be happy to get into bed and sink into Magnus’ embrace.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading so far! If you've liked this work please leave a comment (or a kudo). And please let me know if there are mistakes or misspelling somewhere in here!  
> (I might think that they have had a bit too sudden reconciliation, ~~so don't trust it too much...~~ buuuut, many things have yet to happen and many things have yet to be clarified)  
>  Thank you so much


	3. Eternity can be enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus lifts his eyes to met Alec’s and smiles a little. «He can’t control my magic until it’s bonded to this place, to you... I promised him to go back once you’ll...» he seems to shiver only saying the words and sighs again. «When you’ll ...».
> 
> Alec’s heart sinks a little in his chest. And he tries again, opening his mouth twice, to find the right words. He has to say him something, something that may make him feel a little better, but he just finds out that the only right words he can tell him, are the one that scare him the most. «When I’ll die.» he murmurs.
> 
> Magnus nods, his jaw tense and clenched. «I didn’t really know if you... as I told you, I hoped you’d moved on...» he adds softly, his eyes are somewhere like he doesn’t want to look at him. «I’d be satisfied even watching over you from afar. It’d be enough for me».
> 
> The Shadowhunter swallows a lump in his throat, the words are missing again. 
> 
> «But then you’re here, and want me... and love me... and I can be with you for at least the time you want me... whatever this time will be...» he adds. «And that’s an happy ending, somehow... my happy ending».

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah here we are...  
> the final chapter is here. I'm thinking about something new, a fluff one I could write while working on Afterglow. (but I can't write fluff so... maybe the next time I'll be here it'll be angst all over again).  
> Maybe, but you'll tell me, I can write something more about this one, I've some ideas (and I did want to add something smut here...).  
> And that's all, thank you all for your support!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They’re in bed, right now.

And Alec feels so free, so happy and his body has no weight, and it seems like floating in contentment. He never felt this way, never in those seventeen years of loneliness. And now he is right beside Magnus, whose back is squeezed in its rightful place: onto Alec’s chest.

They talked a little more, about the whereabouts of this battle and the end of that demon that almost killed him, about this young Nephilim, Jace and Clary’s son, and how beautiful indeed Iz and Simon’s wedding was. Alec has yet a lot of other things to say, but instead he leans in, kissing Magnus’ shoulder and snuggling a little more.

They won’t face the other subjects, the other matters they’ll need to solve sooner or later. They won’t talk about them and where this relationship will go from now on. Not tonight. They just need to get there little by little, but tonight they just have to linger there a little longer, in that tiny little piece of land between knowing and not knowing, between being and not being, in which they can simply be called happy. There, he wants to stay in  _happiness_ , just for tonight.

The words begin to slur on his tongue, like melted in syrup.

Magnus’ breath comes slow and even to Alec’s ears, and he seems to sleep soundly in his arms.

Alec moves a little, to watch him sleep.

Something is changed. He’s always stunning, breathtaking like a masterpiece of some of the multitude of artist he may or may not have really hang out with in his early days. But there’s something, something aside from that sacral halo that wraps him when he’s awake. There’s something that bothers him, that makes his forehead twitch, his eyebrows curl a little while he sleeps. It seems like he’s having a nightmare.

Alec just watches him, silently, stroking away a little strand of his hair from his squeezed shout eyes. And when Magnus flinches a little, he just hugs him a little more, tugging him close and hums, maybe without knowing, that old baffled lullaby that his mother sang them when they were little.

This seems to help the Warlock a bit, and Alec can be satisfied. He kisses that soft spot behind his ear and then returns to place his head not more than two inches away from his. They share a bed, they share a pillow, and maybe Magnus won’t steal the covers tonight, if Alec stays this close.

It’s merely a handful of minutes later that something, exhaustion maybe, kicks in and has the upper hand on him, on his euphory of being back home, back in that very bed with him, and he falls asleep. He instinctively tugs Magnus close against his chest, snuggles his face in the crook of his neck, and his brain has barely the time to register that his hair smells of sandalwood, fireworks and home.

It almost feels like home, like an happy ending.

  
  


He’s never slept so soundly, never in all those seventeen years. And now, in just a few hours of sleep, he feels refreshed, his energy totally refilled.

And it’s all thanks to Magnus, not only his wonderfully comfortable bed.

  
  


When Alec wakes up something like two or three hours later, that night. Or, at least, he supposes it’s that same night: it’s still dark outside and it seems nothing has changed since last time he was awake.

But it’s only when his brain wakes up completely that he finally notices that something is missing from that very bed. Magnus.

The bed is cold, and he is on the other side of the mattress, like he woke up sometime ago.

It’s still dark outside, and it looks like the time from their brief talk hasn’t really passed. It seems like, they didn’t have their talk, they didn’t even kiss, or went to sleep together.

It seems Magnus didn’t sleep beside him at all, as he wasn’t ever under those soft silky sheets, that now are freezing cold As if he never really made back from Edom.

Alec groans, screams internally to his mind, brainchild and all. That stupid happiness that really made him wonder how marvellous his life would be in the near future. And ponders, again, to go asking for help in the Silent City.

Magnus wasn’t ever there. That’s what his head tells him now, now that he’s wide awake, and his strength is finally back.

But the bed is so good, the sheets are so soft and silky, and the room smells so nice, so heartwormingly nice, that something has to be true, something. Or he is gone completely insane and then he won’t make it back from the Silent City, really.

He decides that the only good thing he can do is getting up and walking out of that room, and maybe find his answers, and his mental health outside.

  
  


When he finally leaves the bed, his knees support his body with no much commitment. He walks slowly, in the darkness, and opens the door.

From where he remembers is the living room comes a soft blue light.

He speeds up a little, and peeks in there.

There’s something, no, someone, on the couch. Wrapped up in a light comforter, head drown in a soft pale blue pillow.

There he is.

Magnus.

Magnus is there. On the couch. The faint blue light comes from the TV on that big stupid jewelry showroom channel with that screaming strange lady with faint orange dyed hair, that hasn’t aged really well. He always turn the TV on that channel when he’s unable to sleep.

The Warlock is sleeping, his brow furrowed, the eyelids squeezed hard like he’s troubled by something, again. And it isn’t that horrible mixture of bleached jeans and pink blouse that the screaming lady is wearing, there’s something that is devouring his dreams, morphing them into nightmares.

Something, like a soft click in his head makes Alec heave a pleased sigh, somehow this is kind of  reassuring: first, he isn’t completely insane and he won’t need a treatment in the Silent City, and ,more importantly, Magnus is there.

Yeah, on second thought they really have to talk, because he wants, like really wants, to go back to sleep with Magnus in his arms, squished softly under his weight, and if there’s something bothering him, then, Alec really needs to know in order to help him.

He moves another soft silent step, grabs the remote to turn off the screaming orange-haired lady, and sighs again when the blue light fades, leaving only the lights from a sleeping Greenpoint dissipate the pitch darkness of the apartment.

He ponders for a second, staying still in his place, hovering over Magnus, if he has to wake him up. Yet, he wants to go back to sleep with the Warlock beside him.

So, yes, the choice is one and simple.

He moves a hand to gently stroke Magnus’ hair from his eyes.

But even before he can let out a single word, instantly the faint energy of his magic wards off Alec’s fingers, it’s like he’s again wrapped in that sacral halo, in that thin mist made of powerful magic.

The Warlock opens his eyes quickly, abruptly. He seems disoriented, scared. His green-golden catlike eyes glimmer in the wavering light, scanning the darkness of the room. The pupil is dilated, alert, terrified.

The soft blue smoke of magic runs between Magnus’ fingers, and turn that orange-red ominous steam. He’s ready to assault him.

«Hey gorgeous, it’s me.» Alec hurries to say, as softly and gentle as possible. «How comes you’re sleeping here?».

His eyes seem to soften a little. He mumbles something, and then blinks twice. «Sorry,» he says, his voice slurred by a bad uncomfortable sleep. He shifts, sitting in a corner of the couch, knees to his chest in a defensive position.

«Wanna talk about it?» he asks, not moving.

The Warlock shakes his head.

«Then, let’s sleep a little more together, mh?» he murmurs offering a hand.

«’m not so used... sleeping beside anyone, now...» he slobbers again, the words roll up on his tongue as he covers his eyes with a hand.

Alec smiles softly. «Me neither, we could try to get used to it together. That’s what that big bed of yours is made for...».

Magnus hums, but seems to think about his offer a bit too much, as if unsure, scared.

The Shadowhunter decides to sit beside him, on the couch, stealing a side of his duvet and tugging under it.

«What are you...» Magnus starts to protest, but Alec just hugs his waist and he pulls him closer.

«Thought we could chill out a bit...» he mumbles.

And when Magnus sighs and gives in, snuggling closer, his heart cries in triumph.

Zapping with the remote, they find that silly sit-com that has first aired when Magnus was still in Edom, something that Alec never watched himself because, well, he is a Nephilim after all. and has always enjoyed this kind of thing with the Warlock.

Magnus seems to like it, so he decides to endure it. It’s clearly something Simon would like, bad silly humor and  plot. Yeah.

  
  


After three, or five episodes, Magnus sighs again. And hugs him hard, close. But his fingers tremble, as if he fears Alec will soon break.

«That wasn’t that bad...» Alec murmurs.

Magnus chuckles a little. «Liar, you hated it».

«No I liked it... I sort of hated it, but... I watched it with you, so... it’s I liked it, yeah, a win win situation, you know... being with you makes anything marvellous».

«Flattery will take you everywhere, you sappy sappy Nephilim...» the Warlock murmurs softly leaning in a little to kiss his cheek.

«I was... alone, you know that already...» Alec says abruptly. «And you too... we were alone».

Magnus moves a little, to nestle closer, humming.

«I was... yeah, I was thinking we should sort out... talk for a bit, mh?» Alec stammers. «And, if... it’s something we should talk about without the lights on, let’s leave our words to the darkness, shall we?».

Magnus shuffles again, like trying to leave this sweet silent embrace. But then he refuses to do so, he just waves his hand a bit, only to light the room a little.

«This is one of those things we should talk about eye to eye.» Alec hums.

But the Warlock remains silent. Knowing him, someone so talkative like him, Magnus is trying to find the right words. Measured as always.

«I’ll start, Mags, let me start...» Alec hurries to say, stroking his back with the palm of his hand.

And Magnus looks at him with a curled brow.

«I need to tell you that nothing,  _nothing_  you’ll say will ever, ever change what I feel for you.» Alec mumbles. «Nothing has ever changed in my love for you in this seventeen years. I’ve lived in Idris for the most of this years, I worked for the Clave... I’ve changed, yeah... something is... but my heart still beats for you. Only for you... as always.» he says firmly.

After a short silence, as if Magnus has to process this informations, he opens his mouth. «I’ve changed too.» he murmurs, just like he did some hours ago. «In Edom. Edom changed me.  _Quite a lot_ ».

Alec swallows, expectantly. They just have to talk about it. And maybe the nightmares are from Edom too, all this time, all that damn time, seventeen fucking years, in a Hell realm. And not every Hell realm, but his father’s. Having nightmares it’s the least, he supposes.

Magnus waits for his reaction to continue. And Alec squeezes him a bit, to comfort him.

The Warlock sighs. «Time passes differently there... and he, Asmodeus, made it very clear. Made me see things, made me see you old, or dead and... And, as days or years passed, he convinced me that, if I ever made it back here, you wouldn’t have waited for me... one way or another...».

Alec opens his mouth but he closes it without making a sound, holding his breath. The room is silent, as if far away from the world itself, in a space or in a time when New York maybe didn't even exist. But the air in there is so still, so immobile that make Magnus words a strange frightening hue.

Magnus seems to shiver in his embrace. «Staying in Edom made my magic very strong... powerful... and that was, maybe, what Asmodeus wanted all along. His first aim was making me and my magic perfectly accustomed to Edom. Because, it seems he can’t control my magic, it’s too bonded to this place, to you... but my magic has changed... I’ve changed».

Somehow Alec already knows it, that his magic is way more powerful than before. It’s everywhere around him, like a perfectly made robe that gives him this absolutely sacral and a somewhat ominous halo.

«I’m really scared, Alexander.» he murmurs, his husky voice trembles a little. «This magic is too much for my body, for me to handle right now. Even before my emotion made it volatile and unsteady, but now... I don’t know what will happen, I may hurt you without even notice, like... when you woke me up... I may...» he sucks his breath between clenched teeth and shuffles a little to cover with both of his hands his face.

Alec tries to find the right words, something that could make him feel any better, something that could make him calm down a little. But everything seems to be wrong right now.

«Asmodeus made me embrace my demonic part, and my demonic energy is very dark and strong now...» he mumbles.

«How... how did you make it back?» he asks. And that’s the only thing he really wants to know, nothing else because magic or not, demonic or not, that man in front of him is still Magnus, the love of his life. And they’ll find a way, somehow.

Magnus lifts his eyes to met Alec’s and smiles a little. «He can’t control my magic until it’s bonded to this place, to you... I promised him to go back once you’ll...» he seems to shiver only saying the words and sighs again. «When  _you’ll_  ...».

Alec’s heart sinks a little in his chest. And he tries again, opening his mouth twice, to find the right words. He has to say him something, something that may make him feel a little better, but he just finds out that the only right words he can tell him, are the one that scare him the most. «When I’ll die.» he murmurs.

Magnus nods, his jaw tense and clenched. «I didn’t really know if you... as I told you, I hoped you’d moved on...» he adds softly, his eyes are somewhere like he doesn’t want to look at him. «I’d be satisfied even watching over you from afar. It’d be enough for me».

The Shadowhunter swallows a lump in his throat, the words are missing again.

«But then you’re here, and want me... and love me... and I can be with you for at least the time you want me... whatever this time will be...» he adds. «And that’s an happy ending, somehow... my happy ending».

Alec takes a long deep breath. «When you say you’ll go back there, you mean you’ll let him take away your magic, your immortality?» he asks, and his voice trembles too. If that’s so, Magnus will die. He knows it.

The other smiles, and finally looks at him, his eyes are sweet, caring, but seem full of tears. «I can’t bear to live without you. In a world where you don’t exist, where I can’t see you smiling even if you loved someone else... where I can’t hear your voice... or see your grumpy morning face... it’d be the end of me. And finally my father will have what he wants».

«Mags...» he calls him softly, trying to make him stop. He can’t even bear to hear him talking about something like that. He can’t even imagine it. Him, dying.

«I’ll wait, don’t worry. When your time will come, I’ll go with you. Even if our destination are far away from each other...» the Warlock adds, stroking softly his hair a sweet smile curling his lips.

Alec moves his head a little to allow his gesture.

«I won’t leave you, my Alexander. Ever...» he smiles. «Don’t worry».

«Good, because I plan to live with you for the rest of my life. And it’ll be long, good and full of love and... sex you know?» he mutters and makes him chuckle. «And you won’t be back in Edom, not on my watch, Bane».

Magnus smiles again, an open smile, his eyes are glowing. He seems on the verge of crying, his breath trembles, he shivers a little.

«And you should move your hand and do your magic and make this glamour,» he gestures randomly to his face. «vanish, and I’ll tell you something, when you do so».

The Warlock burst out laughing, he covers his eyes, sniffling a little, and wipes away the tears with his fingertips. «Such a mysterious man! Really tall, dark and handsome, eh? Where dark is the crux...».

«Yeah, I learned from the drama queen himself.» he says. «Hurry up, I want to kiss you badly without this glamour on».

Magnus hums in consent, and then calls back his magic to his fingers. «Stay still. I don’t want to go back to Edom right away because my magic isn’t really stable».

Alec grins, and takes his wrist to guide his hand on his head. «I trust you, you know? With all myself».

It’s just a second, the mere time of a single sigh and the thing on his hair and his face just dissolves in the wisp of warm blue magic.

Magnus sucks in his air. His eyes are wide for a moment, as to drink in his image, then his pupils start scanning Alec’s face with extreme expertise. And he moves his hand. His fingers move on his skin, around his eyes, on his forehead, near his mouth, and then gently stroking his hair. «What the hell, Alexander?» he whispers out of breath and totally baffled.

«Long story short?» Alec asks smirking a bit and wetting his lips with his tongue.

«An aging glamour... What the actual hell!» he hisses, his eyes are still on his face, he got lost in him. «Yeah, I need to know every single thing, Alexander».

«I won’t let you go back in Edom so easily...» he grins. «Not now that you’re back here with me. As I said, not on my watch, Bane...».

«You aren’t telling me anything,  _really_...» Magnus replies and he’s pouting, but his eyes shine on him, pure melting gold.

Alec moves slowly, to reduce the distance between them. He crooks a little smile, and softly leans in for a kiss, but hovers over Magnus’ mouth with a playful face. «I died, or something like that».

«Wha-What?» the Warlock hisses. « _What_?».

«Yeah, for something like a minute...  _I died_.» he says softly.

Magnus gulps twice before opening his mouth but no sound seems to leave his lips.

And that, Alec says to himself, that’s the signal. He leans in a little more and brushes Magnus’ lips with his. But while he’s trying to deepen the kiss, making it warmer and somewhat magic, the Warlock slowly places his fist on his chest, pushing him back.

«Tell me.» he says. «No kissing until you tell me everything».

Alec sighs again, and wets his lips. He just wanted to storm hundred of kisses and bring him back to the bed, but yeah Magnus needs to know.

«There was a terrible battle, some years ago, I was twenty-nine at the time and had a bit of grey hair, like my father did at my age...» he murmurs, gesturing to the random strands of grey he knows he has somewhere in his dark ruffled hair. And Magnus nods, stroking softly his scalp.

«This battle?» he murmurs in order to let him continue his story.

«Yeah, this big terrible battle just outside Idris... some rogue Warlocks summoned a horde of demons and...» Alec gibbers, scratching his neck and shrinking his shoulders. «I was already there, working for the Clave... and I led a small group of Shadowhunters to... let’s say, save the day...» he mumbles. «One of the Warlocks attacked me, all of us and...».

Magnus seems to be a little concerned about him. «I’ve seen a lot of...».

«Scars? Yeah. Jace, Iz and my mother... along with Clary and Simon found me two days after the battle... in a pit, with the other bodies.... I was still alive, breathing... but...» he flutters a little, his back shivers at the thought. «I was dying. The demon venom, the wounds, the runes... every single thing was killing me» he shakes his head.

«Two days? Why did Jace...»

Alec sighs. «We had some bad quarrel back then...».

«But the parabatai rune is there, I saw it... and how bad he looked the other night...» Magnus tries to say.

«I don’t really know, the bond it’s a little severed due to our distance but... it’s working... I don’t know.» he murmurs. «So, what was I saying?».

«You were wounded...» the Warlock suggests.

«Alright, yeah. That was really bad, I couldn’t really breathe and... I was dying. And the Silent Brothers couldn’t help me... I didn’t have time...» he nods without even blinking, now he’s alive and kicking, so no harm done, right? «So, mother asked some  _really_  ancient Warlock to... to help me and...».

«Tell me she didn’t ask to Elphas the Unsteady, right? She didn’t ask him to help you...  _right_?» Magnus mumbles.

Alec nods sighing softly and then swallows hard, twice. He thought Magnus would have been happy about  _this_  . «He used a lot of herbs, a lot of very ancient spells but... I actually died for a bit, like a minute or so...» he hums. «And then he used something else and...».

« _He made you_...» Magnus mumbles but soon enough the words die in his throat.

« _Immortal_. Yeah.» Alec hums. And waits for his reaction to change. He hopes to see him smile. He waits for his hug. But nothing comes, and he looks the Warlock who seems terribly shocked.

«By the Angels!» he murmurs.

Alec decides to postpone a little the terrible evidence that he doesn’t look so happy. «I don’t think my mother thought about this, I don’t even think he asked for a sufficient compensation... I don’t know how much it costs, immortality...» he tries to throw a joke.

A joke that the Warlock doesn’t even seem to have heard.

«I found out some years later that I couldn’t age anymore...» he adds. «Iz stated out that I wasn’t growing old so bad, like our father did... back when he was thirty-something he lost a lot of his hair and the rest of it was almost all grey...» he hums. «So I went to Catarina and she noticed that there was something strange indeed...».

Magnus opens his mouth somehow out of his breath. « _The rune_...».

«Yeah. So I asked her to make me look older, with a strong Warlock glamour...»  Alec continues. «And that’s all...».

That stunning man beside him stays silent, almost mute. And if he wasn’t so close to Alec, the Shadowhunter could have swore that he was a granite statue.

«I thought you’d be happy...» he says, stating a fact. And he doesn’t really know how to define what he feels. For all this time, noticing that he couldn’t age anymore, he thought he would be alone in this, for the eternity. He even contemplated the idea of dying. Because immortality doesn’t mean ineffability. But now Magnus is here and he can see, he wants to see, a future with him. As he always wanted.

Magnus purses his lips, and then sighs softly. He seems frozen cold, still on his seat. «Immortality is a curse, Alexander. That’s why he couldn’t ask for a compensation... he didn’t have to, that wasn’t your choice or your family’s... you’ll see the ones you love the most wither, die. You’ll lose a part of you when Jace will die...».

Alec swallows. «I know,  _but_...».

«It’s against the rules... your Clave rules and your dear Angels’ rule!» the Warlock interrupts him. «Why do you think I did a lot of research back then? Because you can’t put a demonic rune on a Nephilim! It’s against Raziel’s rules... the runes... your runes... your runes won’t work well because Elphas used a demonic rune on you, a rune that will soon enough annihilate the power of your angelic ones... a rune that David the Silent needed to purify and modify in order to work on the Silent Brothers, but how it worked on you... it isn’t the right version and...» he explains. «And judging by your scars, and the state you were the other night your runes don’t work so good already...».

He nods. «I know...». He took a clear picture of the situation, but Alec knows better.

Magnus shakes his head. «You’ll risk your life,  _Alec_. You’re a full time warrior... how do you... how will you... even the other night you... you almost died... I  _almost_...» he swallows hard.

Alec smiles softly. «Somehow, I was ready to live alone for my entire life, my immortal life... but I was ready to die, I was ready.» he says.

And Magnus swallows, again, he seems troubled.

«I thought I lost you, Mags. Forever. And now... now you’re here and... You... I thought you’d be happy...» he adds, and hopes, hopes to hear him tell he is, indeed, happy, maybe a little scared, but at least happy.

The Warlock smiles, cupping his cheek. «I am,  _but_...».

«But?» he hisses. And he could swear that he could swear he heard the sound of his heart breaking.

Magnus stays silent for a whole minute, not that Alec was counting the seconds, and then he speaks up, with unsure trembling voice. «But eternity is a long time, Alexander, and you’re so young and innocent... and eventually you’ll want someone else, one day. Because you could get tired of me...».

Alec raises an eyebrow, and rolls his eyes a little. «Again? How many times I have to tell you?» he growls, dodging his hand and stomping off the damn couch. «Nephilims love only once, so fiercely, like how I love you».

Magnus seems to hesitate for a moment, he doesn’t look at him.

That’s enough, enough for his heart and for his soul. He’s waited for him, has searched him, has tried to find a way to go back in Edom and took him away from his father, for seventeen damn years. And he wanted to live his life with him, however long or short it would be.

«Maybe you do think you could ever stop loving me... you could get tired of me, but don’t ever question my feeling for you. Never. Don’t you ever allow yourself to project your insecurities on me. I’m not your past lovers, Magnus, you said so yourself.» he growls, anger mounting in his throat, right from his heart. «The problem isn’t me, here, Magnus... but you... maybe?» Alec spits, and it hurts just saying out loud. «You better think about it, I’m heading back to the Institute, please put back my glamour».

«Alec... I didn’t really...» he mumbles.

«Please I need my glamour back. I don’t want Izzy or Jace to notice that I can’t grow old. It would break them.» Alec says and the Warlock does so, giving him back his wrinkles and gray hair. His magic caresses his face gently, trembling quietly. «We talked and I’m satisfied. If you really love me, as you say, if you really want to hear my voice for no matter how long, you should really...» he adds.

«Alexander I...» he stutters, the words get bogged down on his tongue.

«And maybe you should reevaluate your priorities, Magnus, because you’re ready to go back in Edom after I die, but not to stay with me for the entire length of our life. Our immortal life.» he spits. And doesn’t belive himself how much it hurts and how much it’s hard saying so, because it’s just like saying good bye. Such a strong word. «And here I was, thinking of our immortality together, but  _you_... I don’t want this to be our parting night, Magnus. I wanted countless nights with you but...» he swallows hard. «Now, open up a portal for me, will you?».

The Warlock stays still. Motionless. He’s simply there, perfectly still.

«I want it.» Magnus says, his eyes are lost on his feet for a moment but then are sure and still on Alec’s. «I want every second with you.» he murmurs.

«But you hesitated, just a minute ago you seemed...» but the words die in his throat.

Magnus has reduced the space between them in a jump: he silenced him with just a kiss, an urgent, thirsty kiss. As if it where the only thing possible to do at the moment.

Alec’s knees tremble, his heart is speeding up, pounding in his chest like it wants to escape the ribs cage.

«I want it.» Magnus says, his hand on Alec’s face are burning his glamour down. «The eternity with you».

«Really?» the Shadowhunter tightens his lips, trying to be the most unimpressed he can, as if Magnus, smashed over his chest, couldn’t hear his heart pounding so damn hard. «Because you didn’t seem so...».

«Oh, shut the hell up, Lightwood!» Magnus groans. «You need to know the risks, because I’ll speak for me from now on: I won’t ever leave you. You hear me? I want all the package: you, your scarred body, your grumpy morning face, your unpaired socks, your terrible excuse of a wardrobe, your chaotic family, your smiles... and that thing you do with your tongue, you know... and that soft stardust in your hair and those two or three wrinkles that make you so damn hot for the rest of my damn immortal life, you hear me?».

Alec gulps, and smiles for a mere second, but then remembers how unsure Magnus seemed a little while ago. «But you...».

«Being immortal is a curse, Alec.» he replies without flinching. «You’ll see the one you love die and... you’ll never be the same... and not only because when Jace’ll die a part of you will go with him... but pain, mourining will make you change... I’ll help you through it,  _but_...» he murmurs, cupping his cheek. «And you can’t live a lie for the time being, when your family is still alive, you know?».

The Shadowhunter nods, softly. «You thought about all this?».

«I’m a smart man, Alec.» he smiles. «I know you love me for my body and my marvellous skill in bed,  _still_...».

Alec scoffs a laugh. «Yeah».

«But I thought of something more: I can’t know what will happen in the future, you may fall in love with someone else, you may want something more... but that doesn’t change that you love me and I damn love you, you know?».

«Magnus-» he tries to say.

«Please, Alexander, let me finish...» he mumbles, gently touching his lips with the tips of his fingers. «Still, I know that you love me, and you care for me like no others. Yeah, to go back to Edom when you’d die, because you are the one, the one and only... nevertheless I’m more than ready to live my life with you too. I’ll fight for you, I’ll never ever leave you, I’ll help you through this Immortal-Nephilim thing...» he says. «And yeah, maybe we can’t predict the future but we can work to make a wonderful future. You are the one for me Alexander. For the rest of my immortal life. Our immortal life. And not simply because you’re the only person who ever wanted me that way, for who I am and not simply for what I am... but because you’ve taken my heart away ever since, and never given it back to me... so I need to stick together with you».

His heart is melting right now. Alec smiles and has nothing more to ask him, to this gorgeous man in his arms, and leans in for a kiss but Magnus lifts his hand on his mouth again. «What?» he mumbles annoyed.

The Warlock grins, his eyes sparkling, playfully. «Just few more things, mh?» he says cupping his cheek, and Alec huffs a soft sigh. «I’ll be with you when you’ll talk to your siblings and your mother about this immortality thing, we could invite them for dinner... and last, but not least: we should find a way to enhance the power of your runes... because I want you to be in one piece for the rest of our immortal life... and when I can’t be with you the healing runes need to work, alright?» he adds smiling.

Alec nods tightening his lips. And maybe there’s something stinging in the corner of his eyes.

«What’s up now?» Magnus says softly moving his thumb in circles on his cheek.

The Shadowhunter opens his mouth and a soft moan scratches his throat. And he wants to tell him every single thing he felt in those seventeen years, how much it hurt A storm of words knot in his throat, but nothing comes out. And he would like to cry a little, shedding all the tears he hasn’t shed in those seventeen fucking years. And when Magnus moves his hands from his face to his shoulder, to hug him more, holding him tightly, Alec without even noticing is already sobbing.

«Oh, you big softie!»Magnus says, tugs him even closer, as if possible, and pulls his head in the crook of his neck. «You, beautiful silly man, didn’t change at all».

Alec hums, hugging his waist to tug him closer. «You really okay, with this?».

«With what?» he says, drawing some comforting circles on his back with a hand.

«With me, the immortality thing...» he replies.

Magnus sucks in his breath between clenched things.

«I know, it’ll be hard, Mags, I know... but I’m all for effort and...» he adds, stumbling on his words.

«I want to be with you, Nephilim or not, mortal or not...» the Warlock says softly. «I’ve searched everywhere a way to give us more time... approved by the Angels...» he murmurs. «And now we just have to get accustomed, to enhance the power of your runes...».

«Yeah...» he nods, again.

«I know, I made you worry and... I’m really really damn sorry, my love...» he mumbles, stroking the soft short hair on Alec’s neck with the tips of his fingers. «You’re the one, Alexander. As I said more than once today. The one I’ve always waited for, the one who makes me whole, the one who I’d live with till the end of the world. I’m willing to have you by my side for the time being, so yeah, please be with me. Because I can’t bear to live without you».

And Alec hums softly, tugging him even closer.

«And I don’t mind let your adorable soft snoring become my lullaby for the rest of my life...».

«Then again, I don’t snore.» he grunts, huffing in Magnus’ ear.

The Warlock laughs. «Yeah, yeah, I need to record you...».

Alec decides to postpone, groaning softly while kissing his shoulder. He loves this man so damn much it hurts, and when he laughs he is even more stunning, if possible.

«And I’m just picturing me waking up in a couple of hundred of years with your grumpy face on monday morning... and just think about how many tricks in bed we could learn together in hundreds of years!».

Alec scoffs and moves back a little to look at him a bit. Magnus’ eyes are full of fondness, affection and tears shine on the Shadowhunter's face.

«I love you, Alexander Lightwood, all of me for the rest of our immortal life.» he adds caressing gently his face with his fingertips.

«I love you forever and let’s be together forever, Mags.» he smiles. «Where forever is the crux...» he adds, mocking him.

«Oh, you little shit!» Magnus says and pinches his cheek. Sweet tears in the corners of his eyes.

He doesn’t say a thing. And maybe they just have to get accustomed, as Magnus said. He just has to swallow his damn insecurities and enjoy the moment.

«We should go back to sleep...» the Warlock murmurs. «And in the morning we’ll have breakfast and chill out a bit before calling your family, alright?».

He nods and lets Magnus grab his hand and guide him to the bedroom.

He knows that they’ll find a way, that they’ll work out one way or another, that they love each other, and that love will last forever.

And that’s more than enough.

Eternity can be enough.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you liked it (or hated it!) and thank you so much for following and reading this story! You're all marvellous people ❤!  
> Let me know if there's some mistakes or misspelling in there!  
> And please let me know if you want an extra chapter of this story  
> Thank you so much again!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading so far,  
> Leave a comment, a kudo. Let me know if you liked it or - as I suppose - this is a real incomprehensible mess, and there are a lot of mistakes.  
> Have a nice day!


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